A Deep Fear and a Deeper Faith.

Over the last few years I have had a very deep and tormenting struggle with fear.

This fear caused me to be agitated over the harmless actions of others. I found myself misinterpreting the words, motives, and actions of others. I found myself becoming suspicious, cynical, and even a bit resentful. I was apprehensive and disquieted. Fear tormented me.

This fear lurked around the dark corners of my mind. It whispered to me in quiet moments. It felt at times like I had a hook in my jaw. Every time I moved forward this fear would jerk my head around and scream at me “They are going to pull the rug out from under you! They don’t care what you are doing! They only care about what they are doing! They don’t understand you! They don’t support you! You are all alone!”

I would cry out to God for help and mercy. I needed his wisdom, understanding, and insight. I knew I was headed down a very unhealthy path. I was rotting from the inside out.

Then one day I was listening to a lecture series by Bible scholar Luke Timothy Johnson on the life of St. Paul. He made a statement that pulled the hook from my jaw. Professor Johnson was talking about Paul’s purpose in writing the book of Romans.  He said something along the lines of “Paul wrote Romans because he was wanting to form a partnership in his mission to spread the Gospel into Spain.” That stopped me dead in my tracks. I have studied and preached the Bible for more than 30 years and somehow that little piece of insight was held back from me until that very moment when I needed it most. This word confronted my fear head on. For you see, the fear that was destroying me was my fear of the US local church. I was fearful the US local church would sacrifice mission for self-preservation.

I knew when I heard those words about Romans a “word from God” was planted in my spirit. It was not fully developed, but I knew the seed was planted.

Instantly I had a “revelation” of the dynamic Holy Spirit synergy that takes place when the local church partners with the apostolic mission to go to the frontiers. Missionary work is not the job of a missionary; it is job of the body of Christ.

As a missionary I cannot do my job without the body of Christ, not just because I need financial resources from them to reach the frontiers but also because I need the spiritual resources that are only deposited in the body of Christ. And equally true the local church cannot accomplish its full purpose without its apostolic missionaries. Something supernatural happens when you have a full partnership between the local church and global missions.

Since that flash of illumination took place I have been reading and re-reading the book of Romans. I have scheduled a sabbatical to spend time in Romans. There are reasons why the book of Romans has been instrumental in some of the major events in Church history such as the conversation of Augustine, the Reformation being launched because of Luther’s encounter with Romans, John Wesley’s conversation after reading Luther’s Preface to the Romans, and Karl Barth’s theological transformation and revolution after encountering Romans. Maybe today we need to re-encounter the message and purpose of Romans as well.

I see things clearer now, and my deep fear has given way to a greater faith: A faith in the Body of Christ. I delight in this amazing organism called The Body of Christ.

I have a better understanding of passages like Romans 15:23-24,  “But now, since I no longer have any room for work in these regions, and since I have longed for many years to come to you, I hope to see you in passing as I go to Spain, and to be helped on my journey there by you, once I have enjoyed your company for a while.” (ESV)

The phrase Paul uses for “helped on my journey” was used to refer to expeditions being provisioned with food, money, transportation, letters of introduction, and other means of help. The Gospel expansion into Spain needed the provisions of the Body of Christ in Rome.

Paul’s motive was not merely mercenary though. He also sought to benefit the church and experience mutual refreshing, saying he would go on to Spain “once I have enjoyed your company for a while.”

I am so thankful the Lord has brought me through my battle with fear. During the month of February I was so refreshed to be with churches like the Tualatin Foursquare Church in the Portland, Oregon area, New Heart Foursquare in greater Los Angeles, and New Hope Foursquare Church in Salem Oregon. It was with great joy and refreshing that I was able to share with pastors and leaders in mission conferences in Burbank, California and Beaverton, Oregon.

Now, rather than fear tormenting my mind I find myself longing to be with local churches to help them fulfill the Great Commission. We cannot do it alone; we are totally dependent on one another.

I have not figured it all out yet. I don’t know how to fully integrate this new understanding of our mutual partnership, but I love what I see happening.

I would love to hear from you. What has been your experience in this area? What lessons have you learned? What ideas and suggestions do you have to develop greater mission partnerships? Leave a comment below.

If I can serve you and your church in any way, please let me know. Email me at jroper@foursquare.org

Don’t forget to pray for our Spantov Project. Click HERE to learn more and how you can help.

(If you enjoy hearing from me, subscribe to this blog and you will get email updates every time I post something.)